Sunday, November 8, 2009

Marewedge is What Bwings Us Togetha Today

Deus Ex Machina had a class today, and so it was just me and the girls on our own. We decided to go and see some of our friends perform in a play at our dance school.

On the way there, I'm kind of half listening to the radio while the girls are chattering in the back, like they do. This song comes on, and at that moment, the girls, suddenly become incredibly quiet (probably listening to their iPods, but not singing along, like they do), and so I was afforded the rare opportunity to actually listen to the lyrics.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't.

Randy Travis was saying, On one hand I count the reasons I could stay with you ... lover's games I'd love to play with you ... blah, blah ... on the other hand, there's a golden band.

I thought, "What?"

The song continued, to remind me of someone who wouldn't understand.

I hate songs like that, and now I'm not only sucked into the lyrics, but I'm starting to actually feel sorry for the wife of this (insert profanity here - trying to keep it family friendly blog, afterall).

The singer tells this woman that she wakened his passion, that he found himself in her arms, that she made him feel alive ...

... but on the other hand.

And I'm thinking if I were the other hand, not only would I be incredibly hurt by his betrayal, but worse, I would be cut to the bone by his statements about how he felt passion he thought had died. Essentially, he's telling his mistress that he doesn't feel anything for his wife, except the weight of his obligation, as objectified by the golden band.


As the wife, I'd be telling him not to let the door hit him on the American English colloquialism for buttocks as he leaves - thanks, babe, but I don't need your pity or your obligatory loyalty. If you're not here 'cause ya wanna be with me, I'd rather be alone.

Now, of course, I can't stop thinking about it, and I wish that I could get the stupid song out of my head.

I guess what irritates me most, though, is the realization that this sort of behavior is so universally accepted. There are dozens of songs about cheating. It's in the movies, in books, in magazines. Everyone is doing it, right? And it's okay. Infidelity is ... really ... well ..., I mean ..., it was just a little mistake, like oopsy, I tumbled a glass of milk and made a bit of a mess of things.



It's not an oopsy!, and it's incredibly irritating to me that we are so apathetic toward people who don't honor their marital vows. It's like, "Oh, so-and-so had an affair, and they're getting a divorce." La, la, la. Life goes on. Not okay. Not!

Marriage is a legal contract, and when Deus Ex Machina and I laid out our promises to one another on the day we got married, we both promised faithfulness. If either of us were to break that promise, it's a breach of contract and should be treated like any other legally binding contract.

I voted last Tuesday. The question of the day was whether we wanted to support the recent law signed by our Governor to allow same-sex marriage or to overturn it with a "yes" vote.

I voted no.

See how easy it was? I just said no - like Nancy Reagan told us to when I was kid.


In fact, to men like Randy Travis, singer Taylor Swift advises, You should've said no."

Unfortunately, I was in the minority, and the law was repealed. Maine no longer allows same-sex marriage.

The opponents of the law took the position that "Maine’s existing marriage laws exist to strengthen society, encourage monogamous and loving marriages and to provide an environment to nurture the well being of children."

But then I read statistics like, "The proportion of the population made up by married couples with children decreased from 40% in 1970 to 24% in 2000."

So much for creating an "environment to nurture the well being of children."

Or, better, how about this statistic? "Every year over 7,000 Maine women are physically or sexually assaulted by an intimate partner and over half of them (57%) are injured as a result of the violence."

So much for encouraging "loving marriages."

The whole marriage-as-a-union-between-a-man-and-a-woman-protects-our-families argument is laughable.

And I wonder, when the man and the woman are standing before the judge on the day of their divorce, who is protesting the weakening of our society by allowing this travesty, this "breaking asunder what God has joined"? If Maine law was designed to strengthen society, encourage monogamous and loving marriages and ... provide an environment to nurture the well being of children, then why is it so easy to get married, why aren't people counseled about what marriage is (I was married in Maine - by a Notary Public - and was offered no pre-marriage counseling to be sure that I understood what Maine's marriage laws dictated), and why is divorce so widely accepted?

Why is it okay for a man and a woman to get divorced without a whisper from the pro-marriage people, but it's not okay to allow a man to marry a man or a woman to marry a woman in a legally binding marital relationship?

I was disappointed by the results of the vote.

Today, I'm calmly listening to my radio while trying not to swear (too loudly) at the (insert profanity here) in front of me who wants to drive 25 mph in the 45 mph speed zone and the (insert profanity here) behind me who wants to ride with his front bumper pressed against my back one (I mean, I know I have a cute tailpipe and all, but seriously, no touchy, no feely - and back off a bit, would ya?), and I'm subjected to Randy Travis talking about his freakin' adulterous hand.

Marriage encourages loving families, but allowing two men or two women who wish to be in a committed relationship and have their rights as a spouse protected by the State would destroy that institution.

And as for Randy Travis (and his crooning cronies who sing about "the other hand"), as long as he keeps denying the rumors, we'll just continue to accept his extra-marital heterosexual liaisons.


  1. Well said!

    The visiting minister at our UU Church said that our state motto is Dirigo, "I lead". Maine had a chance to lead and we forgot the motto.

  2. It is sad isn't it. I find myself getting upset at similar songs. Movies really set me off.
    I was so sad that Maine wasn't able to keep the law. Homosexual marriage is just as likely to be happy and healthy as heterosexual marriage. We shouldn't be voting on people's basic human rights.

  3. Luckily, I haven't heard this song. That it makes it to radio play confirms what I have said about American society for awhile: we no longer honor commitments. Don't like the band teacher? Quit! That teacher is being mean to you? I'll get you switched out of class! Someone else makes you all hot and bothered? Leave your spouse behind-- no one will mind. Same with your kids-- who cares about their stability, as long as you're happy and in love they'll be fine.

    I could go on for hours, but I know I'm preaching to the choir. If we can somehow get ourselves back to a place where we honor commitments first and our personal wants second, maybe we'll turn this thing around.

    (Regardless, I'll never support Randy Travis again.)

  4. Excuse me?!!! Never support Randy Travis again? Randy did not write the song. He recorded it 24 years ago when he was young and single. He is now happily married and has been for 18 years. Get your facts straight!