Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I Am Thankful

I've been feeling a little ... well, ungrateful lately (maybe envious is a better word), but even as I was ennumerating in my mind all of the activities I'm missing out on doing, I knew that anything I don't have, I have consciously and willingly given up so that I could have the things I do have.

It was a conscious decision, for example, to place the center of my life in my home. I actively sought work from home, because I wanted to be here for my children so that they wouldn't have to be raised by someone else while I earned money. I gave up any hope of a flashy career, because I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom. The work I do for money really is secondary to my real job, which is being a mom to my girls and a partner to Deus Ex Machina.

Sometimes I wish that I could get out in the world more, without a boatload of kids hanging all around me, but I find that when I do get out, I don't know what to do. I'm usually surrounded by so much energy (*cough* chaos *cough*) that when it's not there, I feel exposed. Their energy is my buffer - kind of like the Tasmanian Devil's whirlwind.

Sometimes I wish I had friends or coworkers or classmates ... other people with whom I could go and do cool stuff on my days off (which, really, is only Sunday, as during the rest of the week, we're always busy with classes or work-related activities), but I know that I wouldn't give up the one "unscheduled" day I have to spend with Deus Ex Machina and go hang-out with other people. I see him too rarely now with as busy as he is. Sunday is our only day to reconnect without all of the noise of the world interfering. It's also the only day we have to get stuff done around the house :).

So, while I, occasionally, wish such silly stuff, the reality is that I am thankful that I have a job that I enjoy doing, that gives me a small income, and that allows me to stay home and work. I'm thankful that my children are so amazing and that they let me be the center of their world. I'm thankful that my partner-in-life is my best friend.

Sometimes I have to remind myself, but most of the time I'm fully aware, and incredibly grateful that my life and everything I need and love is right here on this quarter acre, in this 1500 square foot house ....

... and when I do need to get out in the world, that's what the Internet is for, right?

7 comments:

  1. Absolutely!

    There is so much talk about working women trying to find balance between work and home that it is sometimes difficult to imagine that Stay at home moms ( or work at home moms ) are trying to find balance too. Just not the same sort of balance.

    It is one of the reasons that I like to go to knitting group, its more about the camaraderie of other women than the knitting. It is about the empathy and collective understanding of my experience at home ( okay and sometimes it is nice to have a good cranky session). Unfortunately, I've not been able to get to knitting group and feel the need for a breather. But our time in the weekends is so limited that It is hard to justify the time away from home.

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  2. It is amazing how quickly kids grow and then you do have more time and space to get out and do other things. I've always said the most challenging thing about being a SAHM is that you don't have ANY external validation whatsoever. That is a good thing to get rid of the need for but it does take some adjustment.

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  3. I think the grass is always greener ;-) I'd gladly trade you a few moronic coworkers for a week at home working. :-)

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  4. Ditto 100 times! I couldn't have said it better!!

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  5. I understand. I love being home with my son, but now that I work from home too, it can get overwhelming and I need a break.

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  6. It sounds like you have a bite of the winter is coming blues. It's not my element either. Lately I've been looking at this same living room walls and I want to throw out all this furniture and re-decorate. And I havn't lived here a year yet!!! I do feel that kids grow up fast and the house is too quiet these days. And you know, I think its time for GREAT AUNT TAMMY and GAR to take the girls on another adventure Sunday. Then you can plan a day with just Hubby doing whatever you choose. Talk to you soon.

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  7. Wendy, I'm really glad you're here online. And you're giving your kids and husband such a lasting investment with lifetime payoffs for all. Grab as much time with your hubby as you can get, and enjoy all the swirling chaos of the kids...it gets way too quiet in the house when they're grown and gone :)

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